Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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