My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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