I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
