His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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