my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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