wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think my moral compass just broke
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
