you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize