just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
