youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
organizing the empties. That sober.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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