Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
