I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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