That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
