i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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