Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
