I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
