Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
