does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
