Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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