I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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