Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
