so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
