I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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