my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
