I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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