you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
