I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize