Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
