just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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