You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
