New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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