so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize