not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
