What did we do last night that was yellow?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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