Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
