someone threw a dead crab at me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize