i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
