What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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