Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
