Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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