They should really pass out barf bags in church
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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