I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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