We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
