Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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