This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
