Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
