If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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