just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
