I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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