so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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