he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
