What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
