this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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