There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
