beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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