apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
