have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
