Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
