Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
