Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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