Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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