Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
