i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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