dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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