why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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