If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
