you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
there is puke in my bra ... again
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
