Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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