it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize