You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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