Don't make out with my wife yet
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
