god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
