his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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