some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
