Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
