I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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