Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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